What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 08:17
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
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That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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So whats the point in blame.
I write beautiful poetry .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
How can I get over a break up?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Which is the first MV you watched in Stray Kids?
He knew the spot.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
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I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She wouldn,t have been !
I don,t even have a pension.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was in good health!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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I said to her
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But, we were locked up after school.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Was to survive, this bastard.
All the time i was locked up.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Comes on , in middle age.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We all went to grammer schools
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What did i know ?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
When she asked me how she looked .
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i lived it daily.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I have no regrets .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was scared of men, in general
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why did i forgive my father ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So, i spoilt her more .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I waited trembling.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He resisted the act ,that day.
She married twice! .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Who then, do I blame.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One cannot live in the past .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
This is soul school!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I will be 64.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We were not on the streets..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Would this be the day?
I think the readers, may guess!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She loved him until the end.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was 9 years of age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
This is how, and why children get BPD.